#11 Smiling through Sleeplessness 

Another sleepless night as the suns was shining a little too bright,

The heat leaves me restless, I’m tossing and turning.

I’m not complaining, I’m just laying. 

One leg hangs off the bed in attempt to keep my cool,

Followed by the breeze between the silhouettes of trees.

My garden skyline, stands gloriously green.

The same trees outside my window which I’ve admired as a little girl,

The same trees I’ve gazed at through snow and make my home, home.

Things aren’t exactly how I wish but I’m practising my gratitude, 

All I have to be grateful for; an overwhelming list. 

It’s twelve fifty three and I think of all those I love, 

resting their heads on their pillows,

resting before another fleeting day,

They’re peacefully laying in their little pockets they call home,

They’re safe, they’re content, 

Their world pauses and I breathe easy. 

My heart is fulfilled and my home is quiet,

All these people that show me love,

All these people that are my world,

Thank you.

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#6 Dreamer to believer

It’s freezing, it’s dark and dreary. I may have just walked through the murkiest puddle, missed my train and broken my umbrella… but I don’t care!

My smile is beaming from ear to ear and the spring in my step could bounce me off to Pluto. This….this is the feeling I’ve been chasing, and I’m going to cherish every moment of it.

I auditioned for an exciting theatre company in London last week and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so much with every fibre in my body.

Sitting at my desk earlier and my phone rang, it’s an unrecognised number, and the call is located from Germany.

My mind starts racing, my hearts beating like a drum.

“Hi Anita, its Mike. How are you today?”

Frantically, trying to pretend I haven’t been eagerly awaiting his call: “Hi Mike, I’m good thanks..erm..erm how are you?” (Breathe Anita you crazy woman, breathe!)

Softly spoken and calm as ever, Mike goes onto say, “Thank you for auditioning for the company last week, we would like you to join our Germany and France tour.”

“What! Sorry, what! Are you sure, oh my good god! You’ve just made me the happiest girl! This is crazy, are you sure? Me!” (-Ramble ramble, stop rambling Anita!! I’ve never been great at playing things cool).

“Would you like some time to consider the position?”

“Oh my god no, no need to consider! I’m a 110%!This is a dream! Do you know I dreamed about getting this part! Not once, but twice!!”

I’m so cringe, keeping calm has never been my forté. …Dear god, he must think I’m batshit crazy! Although, he was exposed to my ditziness In the audition as I was awful during the warm up games. I couldn’t catch for toffee with my nerves.. He even told me ‘I was a gift’ when I kept forgetting the rules of our first exercise. (Palm face)..

Who’d have thought I would get picked! I hoped and prayed I would, but didn’t believe it would happen. I was up against some unbelievable talent, people that had graduated from accredited fancy drama schools..but they picked me!

Time to treasure this feeling, for its the step I’ve been wishing, waiting and working for.

A month ago I was negative as ever, overwhelmed with self doubt..and now I feel on top of the world. I’m making a promise to myself now, to not unpick it, overthink it or be pessimistic.

After my audition I dreamed twice about joining the company..little did I believe the dream would come true..

Six exciting weeks of family, friends and festivities… and then off to Germany I go!

#5 Sunday

She was a little lost, but that’s the way she liked it

No maps to force her down a path she wasn’t ready to travel.

Open hearted; no thing as too much

Her heart was her compass, her only guide.

It was time to turn her cant’s into cans and her dreams into plans..

She was finally ready to trust that she could find happiness on her own,

To trust the magic of new beginnings..

 

#3 I love…

I love..

I love when people say good morning; adding a sprinkle of optimism your way,

I love how I feel right after meticulously applying my lipstick; glam.

I love making teas and coffees for colleagues, knowing it brings them a little comfort during their day,

I love the way the forty-something old guy was carelessly beating his drum in the middle of Victoria square, oblivious to the people scurrying past him on their lunch breaks.

I love looking up at the sky getting lost in the clouds as I feel anxious moments alleviated,

I love the moment a stranger returns a smile, a fleeting moment before we separate ways,

I love turning the key in my front door and being greeted by my crazy canine

I love the moment I’m cosy in my pyjamas, safe and loved in my home.

I love the feeling of a hug that fixes all..

 

Insignificant as they may seem but they’re daily moments I love..                            

  Some say I love too much, but I love the way I love…and I want to love some more!

#1 Travelling

A few months ago I had the amazing experience of backpacking in South East Asia. Recently I’ve found my mind drifting away, reminiscing on moments of  pure joy and bliss. Whilst laying in a Tree house surrounded by stars and the beautiful sea in Cambodia I felt serenity, peace, and an ecstasy I’m yet to relive upon returning to this fast paced society. I grabbed my journal, and my thoughts wouldn’t stop flowing.

Finding ants in places you shouldn’t,

These bites and bruises make us adventurers

Smiling at little things that make my heart happy

Remembering these small things are the big things

Feeling free, no mirror no make-up

Why can’t beauty be defined as such?

Laughing until our tummies hurt and gazing at endless stars

Cherishing every sunset and every sunrise

Sand in my toes, love in my heart

This is time, but it’s precious time.

Moments of slight fear, averted with humour from an amazing friend

Let it go, all those looming thoughts, it’s the prevailing that count,

It’s all going slowly, just as life should,

Taking it all in, embracing every sound,

From the crashing waves to the cricketing crickets,

Off we may go, back to our crazy minds..

But maybe, just maybe the peace may remain.

It’s too much to share, no photograph, no words can define.

Disconnected in the perfect way,

Samba sounds and serenades from the soul.

Endless trees, faces of smiles

We swam with sparkle, our bodies iridescent

The moon as bright as a beam,

One persons dream come true.

Laying in my hammock with Motown and more thoughts,

I’ve found a meaning with this endless dreaming,

Let me share this paradise of feeling free,

Pause this world a moment at a time..

Love everyone and everything

Love everything and everyone..

Whilst I patiently await the next sunrise.