#12- Nostalgia

Let’s rewind for a moment

Where time ticks so slow,

Not a worry in sight

No thought deep rooted

We seem so small, but fearless we shall be.

Let’s run back to that place,

We’ll be tired from racing and chasing in parks

Promise we can tumble on hills,

Our belly’s will ache pure giggles

Patches of green on knees from being so free.

We can listen to our favourite song on repeat and sing carefree,

We can be together hand in hand, no rush no timing.

Hair dishevelled, rosy cheeked. Smiley ear to ear.

Let’s hide in that place.


#11 Smiling through Sleeplessness 

Another sleepless night as the suns was shining a little too bright,

The heat leaves me restless, I’m tossing and turning.

I’m not complaining, I’m just laying.

One leg hangs off the bed in attempt to keep my cool,

Followed by the breeze between the silhouettes of trees.

My garden skyline, stands gloriously green.

The same trees outside my window which I’ve admired as a little girl,

The same trees I’ve gazed at through snow and make my home, home.

Things aren’t exactly how I wish but I’m practising my gratitude,

All I have to be grateful for; an overwhelming list.

It’s twelve fifty three and I think of all those I love,

resting their heads on their pillows,

resting before another fleeting day,

They’re peacefully laying in their little pockets they call home,

They’re safe, they’re content,

Their world pauses and I breathe easy.

My heart is fulfilled and my home is quiet,

All these people that show me love,

All these people that are my world,

Thank you.

#10 Happy Momma bear day

Happy Mother’s Day precious mumma, here’s a few thoughts I had whilst flying through the sky.

She has a smile that can light up a room
Forever the storyteller, the hostess with the mostest

The positive free spirit who holds us all together,

She’ll always say “Oh I can make that easily” when sitting in a restaurant,

The first to the dance floor saying “this is my favourite song!” (to every song)

She’s my best friend and she knows everything,

Her heart to heart services are always open, she cares for all

Selfless, she doesn’t even realise it…

Incapable of drinking a full cup of tea, 4 sips is all.

Age is nothing but a number, a bungee jump is on her bucket list

Elephant, sunset and sky obsessed

She’s taught me beauty is skin deep, a smile the greatest accessory

Momma sprinkles kindness wherever she goes, always open hearted,

Doesn’t like fancies, family time is all she asks

A globetrotting wanderer always seeking adventure,

She insists dreams are to be fulfilled, my biggest supporter.

And her love and hugs have the ability to fix all.

Thank you for being my inspiration Mumma and for teaching me so much. You make me believe anything is possible and things will always be okay if we have eachother.
Most importantly showing me how to truly love

#9 Bergen-Belsen

This evening I’ve returned home feeling upset and slightly hopeless even.

Today we visited the concentration camp and memorial in Lohheide (Northern Germany) called Bergen-Belsen. At least 50,000 died here in unfathomable ways. 

Amongst the 50,000 were children, mothers, fathers and grandparents. All of whom had hopes and dreams until their lives were destroyed. They were either kept on prisoner of war camps, or concentration camps. Many prisoners had been horrifically transported from one camp to be faced with another ordeal.

One of which prisoners, being Anne Frank. An excerpt of her diary entry described how she was led to believe nothing could be worse than Auschwitz where she had just been. 

Upon arrival at Bergen-Belsen she was deceived by hearing beautiful birds singing and spotted trees, completely unaware it was another camp and where she would later die.

It was strange when I walked around the cemetery. There were trees everywhere, the sun looked beautiful and there were birds tweeting. How could a place with such history seem so peaceful.

After walking around the museum and seeing collections of prisoners possessions, reading detailed accounts of happenings at the camp and mass graves my heart felt really heavy. 

I felt as though I couldn’t read or see anymore, but then I realised how that would be really ignorant of me. As learning about these historical events is really important. 

These feelings are the same I felt after visiting the Killing Fields in Cambodia where at least 1million Cambodians were massacred under the Khmer Rouge. It’s also how I feel after watching the news and hearing about what’s going on in many places of the world.

But what can I do? I can’t change anything. I admire those who are humanitarians and activists who are fighting for changes. I wish there was a button that could be pressed which would eradicate hatred and all things dark. 

These places leave me feeling incomprehensible, and I try and take what I can.

I’m reminded by how unbelievably lucky most are and how much we take for granted.

 A lot of us are rich, rich with health, rich with family and friends, rich with a roof over our heads, a job and more than enough foods and fancies. However it’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day and forget. 

Although I can’t do anything to change the evil that exists in the world, a small thing I can  do is be as kind as possible, grateful and continue to spread as much love. And to try to not complain about the most trivial of things, because things are actually really, really good.

I genuinely believe there is more good in the world than bad, unfortunately with media intercepting every moment with negativity, we’re led to believe the world is more awful than not. 

I guess all I can do is try, try my best to be as good as a person as possible, in all the little ways. Tonight I’m left feeling more grateful than ever.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. 

-An inspiring Mother Teresa quote that my mum always reminds me of.

#8 Moments to remember 

On Saturday we performed our shows to the company for the first time. We had a full audience! It was finally the moment to present our month of hard work off.

The nerves I felt before were overridden with excitement, I guess because it’s been such a while since I’ve performed I was more excited to get on with it rather than nervous.

It all went so well, we had so many laughs at so many unexpected moments. There were lots of bits improvised that weren’t thought of in rehearsals, but once infront of an audience and feeling the energy it felt perfect.

Nothing could beat the feeling I felt once we finished both shows and took our bows and everyone clapped. I was left full of adrenaline for quite a while and I was shaking with happiness. It’s like I was suddenly dancing with the stars and I felt so alive. I can’t really explain it, apart from knowing I was answering my calling.

Since then we’ve began touring in Northern Germany. I finally feel like I’m proud of myself and I’m remembering to measure all my small successes.

Small successes such as making an audience laugh lots this morning…and knowing that this is the first piece of live theatre for a lot of these children.

One thing I’m realising is how endearing and adorable six year olds can be.

After the show yesterday the children queued up for our autographs on little cards they had prepared for us.

A little blonde girl walked up with a grin on her face, however no piece of paper for me to write on. She then brushed her fringe out the way and handed me a green felt tip pen and pointed to her forehead. I said ink isn’t very good to skin so I couldn’t sign her forehead, unfortunately she then threw a tantrum and started crying.

However, they’re so sweet! Another child told me I had a really pretty singing voice.

There’s a scene in the play where I look out ‘at Sea’ through a telescope and the children are just amazed, they start waving back at me and get excited.

After a performance I was carrying parts of the set from the stage to load the van and a group of girls were following me back and forth.

‘Monica (my character) do you have a boyfriend?’

‘Monica what is your favourite colour?’

‘Monica do you like cats or dogs?’

‘Monica do you like Germans?’

‘Monica, do you like unicorns?’

‘Monica, how old are you?’- The question that gets the biggest reaction I’ve come to find.

One of the girls came and stood beside me, just to identify how much taller she was at a fraction of my age.

I’m loving everything so far and I’m trying to remind myself how lucky I am to be doing this.

(Especially needed when we have 5am starts!)

I’m sitting playing scrabble with a lovely bottle of €2 red wine and couldn’t be any more content.

#7 Deleke

The German adventure has begun!

For the first month I’m living in a beautiful house in a little village called Deleke. It’s decorated with endless pictures of deer, there’s lots of pretty crockery and everything seems to be a glossy mahogany,  but it’s homely. And homely is always the most important thing. 

A moment away from the house there’s an idyllic view of a huge beautiful lake; which I intend to explore over the weekend. It’s huge and I’ve been told it would take a couple of days to walk around, so I plan to walk it partially and stop off at the bird sanctuary en route.

Mum always says home isn’t a place, it’s a place within you that you carry around. It’s only been five days but I’m beginning to feel at home with the lovely people I’m with. 

I’m sharing the house with 7 other actors, all of which have their own quirks, charms, accents and ways of cooking. I’ve been kept laughing and I’ve felt looked after with cups of teas and lots of remedies whilst I’ve had a stomach bug. They even surprised me with a birthday cake at dinner and some flowers.

I’ve already decided I don’t like shnitzel or pork unfortunately..which rules out a large percentage of German cuisine. Finding chicken proved difficult in the supermarket, I’m already attempting to make lentils with the only two Indian spices I could find.

I can’t quite believe I was faced with the fear of driving our tour minibus on the first day. (Please note there are 5 other people in the minibus during my lesson and I’ve been travelling since 2am with no sleep and it’s now 6pm!) 

Considering I’m 5ft (+1sometimes) and I feel like the Clio I drive at home is big.. I didn’t breathe much throughout my driving lesson. It’s so confusing driving on the other side of the road, I kept trying to grab the gear stick with my left hand..however I kept hitting the door as the gear stick is on the right!

Just as I became a little more comfortable,  the instructor shouts, “Okay, autobahn autobahn now!” I look at him like a deer in headlights.. autobahn is the motorway! So I’m now driving at 100kmph like a minion, but I did it without anyone screaming, so I shall use that as a measurement of success.

We’ve been rehearsing from 9-6 and then we come home cook together and rehearse a little more. Today we blocked the first part of our first show and learnt 6 songs along with choreography. 

The production meeting where the set designs were discussed along with our costumes left me so excited to begin touring next month.

My favourite moment so far? When I spotted my headshot upon the board at rehearsals, titled ‘2017 Actors’.

Not so favourite moment? Setting a pan on fire in the kitchen today and nearly singeing my housemates eyebrows.

Prost! – (Cheers in German!) X

#6 Dreamer to believer

It’s freezing, it’s dark and dreary. I may have just walked through the murkiest puddle, missed my train and broken my umbrella… but I don’t care!

My smile is beaming from ear to ear and the spring in my step could bounce me off to Pluto. This….this is the feeling I’ve been chasing, and I’m going to cherish every moment of it.

I auditioned for an exciting theatre company in London last week and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so much with every fibre in my body.

Sitting at my desk earlier and my phone rang, it’s an unrecognised number, and the call is located from Germany.

My mind starts racing, my hearts beating like a drum.

“Hi Anita, its Michael. How are you today?”

Frantically, trying to pretend I haven’t been eagerly awaiting his call: “Hi Michael, I’m good thanks..erm..erm how are you?” (Breathe Anita you crazy woman, breathe!)

Softly spoken and calm as ever, Mike goes onto say, “Thank you for auditioning for the company last week, we would like you to join our Germany and France tour.”

“What! Sorry, what! Are you sure, oh my good god! You’ve just made me the happiest girl! This is crazy, are you sure? Me!” (-Ramble ramble, stop rambling Anita!! I’ve never been great at playing things cool).

“Would you like some time to consider the position?”

“Oh my god no, no need to consider! I’m a 110%!This is a dream! Do you know I dreamed about getting this part! Not once, but twice!!”

I’m so cringe, keeping calm has never been my forté. …Dear god, he must think I’m batshit crazy! Although, he was exposed to my ditziness In the audition as I was awful during the warm up games. I couldn’t catch for toffee with my nerves.. He even told me ‘I was a gift’ when I kept forgetting the rules of our first exercise. (Palm face)..

Who’d have thought I would get picked! I hoped and prayed I would, but didn’t believe it would happen. I was up against some unbelievable talent, people that had graduated from accredited fancy drama schools..but they picked me!

Time to treasure this feeling, for its the step I’ve been wishing, waiting and working for.

A month ago I was negative as ever, overwhelmed with self doubt..and now I feel on top of the world. I’m making a promise to myself now, to not unpick it, overthink it or be pessimistic.

After my audition I dreamed twice about joining the company..little did I believe the dream would come true..

Six exciting weeks of family, friends and festivities… and then off to Germany I go!