#6 Dreamer to believer

It’s freezing, it’s dark and dreary. I may have just walked through the murkiest puddle, missed my train and broken my umbrella… but I don’t care!

My smile is beaming from ear to ear and the spring in my step could bounce me off to Pluto. This….this is the feeling I’ve been chasing, and I’m going to cherish every moment of it.

I auditioned for an exciting theatre company in London last week and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so much with every fibre in my body.

Sitting at my desk earlier and my phone rang, it’s an unrecognised number, and the call is located from Germany.

My mind starts racing, my hearts beating like a drum.

“Hi Anita, its Mike. How are you today?”

Frantically, trying to pretend I haven’t been eagerly awaiting his call: “Hi Mike, I’m good thanks..erm..erm how are you?” (Breathe Anita you crazy woman, breathe!)

Softly spoken and calm as ever, Mike goes onto say, “Thank you for auditioning for the company last week, we would like you to join our Germany and France tour.”

“What! Sorry, what! Are you sure, oh my good god! You’ve just made me the happiest girl! This is crazy, are you sure? Me!” (-Ramble ramble, stop rambling Anita!! I’ve never been great at playing things cool).

“Would you like some time to consider the position?”

“Oh my god no, no need to consider! I’m a 110%!This is a dream! Do you know I dreamed about getting this part! Not once, but twice!!”

I’m so cringe, keeping calm has never been my forté. …Dear god, he must think I’m batshit crazy! Although, he was exposed to my ditziness In the audition as I was awful during the warm up games. I couldn’t catch for toffee with my nerves.. He even told me ‘I was a gift’ when I kept forgetting the rules of our first exercise. (Palm face)..

Who’d have thought I would get picked! I hoped and prayed I would, but didn’t believe it would happen. I was up against some unbelievable talent, people that had graduated from accredited fancy drama schools..but they picked me!

Time to treasure this feeling, for its the step I’ve been wishing, waiting and working for.

A month ago I was negative as ever, overwhelmed with self doubt..and now I feel on top of the world. I’m making a promise to myself now, to not unpick it, overthink it or be pessimistic.

After my audition I dreamed twice about joining the company..little did I believe the dream would come true..

Six exciting weeks of family, friends and festivities… and then off to Germany I go!

#5 Sunday

She was a little lost, but that’s the way she liked it

No maps to force her down a path she wasn’t ready to travel.

Open hearted; no thing as too much

Her heart was her compass, her only guide.

It was time to turn her cant’s into cans and her dreams into plans..

She was finally ready to trust that she could find happiness on her own,

To trust the magic of new beginnings..

 

#4 Creative dreams

“The arts are not a way to make a living, they are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly is a way to make your soul grow. For heavens sake, sing in the shower, dance to the radio, tell stories, write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can, you will get an enormous reward. You will have created something”.  -Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country.

I’ve had that quote saved for quite a while as it really resonates with me. Over the past month I’ve made a conscious effort to focus on allowing my creative spark to flourish, and quite honestly It’s left me feeling inspired and alive. It’s been so fulfilling to spend money on experiences that bring me joy, rather than materialistics.

Recently I’ve been to a jazz night, numerous art exhibitions, musicals, spent time singing and joined a theatre company.

When i’ve watched these shows i’ve sat in admiration of the performers giving it their all. You can see they’re doing what they love, and they’re pursuing a life of passion. 

There was a Brazilian guitarist and singer I passed busking one evening, and I don’t think they realised the difference they were making to peoples routinely walks. I saw people taking out their headphones, smiling in full appreciation. I had to double take and stop in my tracks, eagerly awaiting to hear the next verse. My point is, creativity can pass on happiness..

Personally I believe everyone has a creative spark. It just needs to be explored and then cultivated. For me, creativity is a platform for my imagination to run free and evokes feelings of joy. It’s easy to convince yourself there isn’t enough time outside of your 9-5, but an hour isn’t so hard to find.

To be pretty honest, I had been denying myself my path of creativity (performing), I’d unknowingly been caught up living in fear. Something that’s crept up and seamlessly taken up a negative space in mind. However, after reading the Alchemist (and many other hippy self help books) along with a lot of love and support from those closest to me, I’ve finally snapped out of the cycle and I’ve got the courage to pursue what my soul craves. 

Surround yourself with the dreamers and doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself…-Edmund Lee

Who knows where my path will lead me, but since changing my mindset and deciding I’m going to abundantly chase my dreams, all these little things/kind people have been gravitating towards me.

Truly I believe the universe conspires to give you what you wish for once you channel those energies. I’m aware I sound rather fairy like, and of course I’m only at the beginning of my journey. However, I’m realising that patience (my biggest challenge), a positive mindset and persistence are key variables.

Let the journey of dreams and fulfillment begin…(excited face!)

She believed she could, so she did…-R.S. Grey

#3 I love…

I love..

I love when people say good morning; adding a sprinkle of optimism your way,

I love how I feel right after meticulously applying my lipstick; glam.

I love making teas and coffees for colleagues, knowing it brings them a little comfort during their day,

I love the way the forty-something old guy was carelessly beating his drum in the middle of Victoria square, oblivious to the people scurrying past him on their lunch breaks.

I love looking up at the sky getting lost in the clouds as I feel anxious moments alleviated,

I love the moment a stranger returns a smile, a fleeting moment before we separate ways,

I love turning the key in my front door and being greeted by my crazy canine

I love the moment I’m cosy in my pyjamas, safe and loved in my home.

I love the feeling of a hug that fixes all..

 

Insignificant as they may seem but they’re daily moments I love..                            

  Some say I love too much, but I love the way I love…and I want to love some more!